I wanta shit in my bed
The Manager Y.M.C.A
Hotel London Roma,
28. September.
Dear Signore Direttore,
Now I am tella you story wot I was a-treated at your hotella.
I am a-comma from Roma as tourist to London and stay as a-younga christian man at your hotella.
When I comma in my room I see there is no shit in my bed - how can I sleep with no shit in my bed?
So I calla down to receptione and tella. "I wanta shit" They tella me: "Go to toilet" I say: "No, no I wanta shit in my bed."
They say: "You'd better not shit in your bed, you sonna-wa-bitch." I go down for breakfast into restorante.
I order bacon and egga and two pissis of toast. I gotta only one piss of toast.
I tella waitress and point at toast: "I wanta piss." She tella me: "go to toilet." I say: "No, no I wanta piss on my plate."
She then say to me: "You'd bloddy wella not piss on the plate, you sonna-wa-bitch."
That is the second person who do not even know me calla me "sonna-wa-bitch",
and why is your staff replying "go to toilet"? is that a modern tella? I do not understand, please tella me!
Later I go for dinner in your ristorante. Spoon and knife is laid out, but no fock. I tella waitress. "I wanta fock." And she tella me: "Sure, everyone wanta fock." I tella her: "No, no you don't understand me, I wanta fock on the table." She tella me: "So you sonna-wa-bitch want a fock on the table? - Get your ass out of here!"
How comma this christian hotella tella the guest in such bed manner? So I go to rezeptione and ask for bill. I no wanta stay in this hotella no more. When I have paid the a-billa the portier say to me: "Thank you, and piss on you." I say: "Piss on you, too, you sonna-wa-bitch, I now go back to Italy." Direttore, I never gonna stay in your hotella no more, you sonna-wa-bitch.
Sincerely Dicci Elgré